Dialogue by MrX

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Dialogue by MrX

Post  MrX on Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:16 am

Thud, thud, thud. Z looked up from his problem set and turned toward the ascending staircase.
Thud, thud, stomp.
“I have to take a break before I go up the next one,” wheezed Jack breathlessly as he sat down at the table beside Z.
“Wow, you look really beat up, how are you feeling?” asked Z concerned.
“I’m fine, but my legs ache.”
“Oh right, you did that thing earlier this week.”
“Yeah, it’s like a billion times worse than Ab Ripper. Like it’s jump training but ridiculously hard. You just keep going the whole freaking time and your legs hurt like hell,” explained Jack.
“That is truly frightening.”
“Yeah, it better be freaking worth it. Have you seen the videos on YouTube? The before and after ones? People are ridiculously ripped.”
“The benefits seem to be greater than the sacrifices so that’s pretty awesome.”
“Yeah, I did it by myself a couple-a days ago and I’ll probably hit it again when I’m good and ready.”
“I really want to try it,” said Z excitedly.
“You should, they’re doing it tomorrow.”
“What time?”
“Early in the morning at like 6 or so.”
“Wow, that is really early for me.”
“Yeah, there are two groups, one meets at 6 a.m. and the other at 6 p.m.”
“Oh that’s good to know.”
“Yeah. What have you been up to?”
“Nothing much. I’m just sitting trying to finish this assignment before I get hammered by homework later on this week,” said Z.
“I actually thought this week was pretty chill. Like over the weekend it seemed like a lot, but now that you look at it it’s not that much at all.”
“Huh, that’s a good point. I’m really glad that the simulation is postponed until later this week, I couldn’t get it to work at all.”
“Yeah, I kinda got it to work but my k value is off.”
“How so?”
“Well the thing doesn’t even jump at all, it just kinda sits there. I don’t really understand how to do that calculation at all.”
“You mean the thing that we did in class?”
“Yeah, that one. I never really understood how to use that graph that he gave us and apply it to our spring,” explained Jack.
“I’m probably going to need help with that one as well.”
“Yeah, people in my class were asking him about it today so I might ask them how to do it.”
“Oh that sounds like a good idea, I’ll probably do that as well. So what have you been up to?” asked Z.
“Nothing much really. Pretty much I just sit in my room watching TV, playing games, or doing homework.”
“Our class does that often. People usually hang out in the lounge and do homework together or in silence.”
“Yeah it’s pretty funny.”
“How so?”
“Well I kinda expected people to be more lively but our class just goes to the dorms and does homework all the time.”
“Actually, I hang out a lot with random people because I have a car.”
“Oh yeah?” asked Jack.
“Mhmm. Everybody needs a ride sometime or another so they just ask me and I can take them.”
“That’s pretty cool.”
“It’s fun, I meet new people all the time and hang out and am never stuck in my room.”
“Cool,” replied Jack.
“So what are you going to do tonight?”
“Nothing really, probably homework in my room again.”
Smack.
Jack and Z turned to see Bill racing up the stairs.
“Hey Z, can you give me a ride to the store?” asked Bill.
“Sure, let’s go,” replied Z as he gathered his things.
“I’m going to take the elevator up,” said Jack.
“Yeah, you must be in some serious pain. See you later,” said Z.
“Yeah see ya,” said Jack as he walked into the elevator by himself.

MrX

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Re: Dialogue by MrX

Post  Admin on Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:49 am

I love the dialogue, it really flows and seems realistic, but there was a distinct lack of conflict in my mind. It's a really good view of how people talk when just making small talk, but there's none of that dynamic tension and meaningfulness in this to me. If you could make this exchange something with purpose in some way it would be better in my mind. The conflict that was suggested in the exercise would add that element, though there are other ways to make it more important.

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oO

Post  LEit on Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:52 am

I liked the ending and how it wraps up nicely. Z giving a ride to someone after saying that he does that a lot is a good way to end the dialogue. I didn't see much of a conflict, but the dialogue was interesting and I've definitely heard a lot of speech like this before around the dorms. Nice.

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Re: Dialogue by MrX

Post  Sarah Seko on Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:53 am

This was a very interesting dialogue and realistic. I think I was actually in the room during this conversation, so maybe that is why is seems so realistic to me. You did a great job eavesdropping. However, I think that you could have added more movement. There were a few segments that you had only dialogue with no description. Also, there wasn't a clear conflict. Perhaps, more narration could have further developed a conflict.

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Re: Dialogue by MrX

Post  jxl33 on Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:54 am

The conversation flowed and is a great example of casual conversation. The ending was also an appropriate one for such a conversation. I can see why it is hard to add a conflict to a conversation like this.

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Re: Dialogue by MrX

Post  elephantastic on Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:57 am

It flows really well and seems realistic, but I do agree that you might need some more stuff breaking up the solid blocks of dialogue. Perhaps. And clearly your voices are realistic since I can tell who is talking. Nice!

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