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Post  MrX on Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:39 pm

Uncle's Bedroom

The rack with ties hanging on the back of the door clanged as the door creaked open. At the center of the small room lay a King Sized mattress with odd red flower sheets and cases. To the immediate left upon entry is a cluttered dresser with a large mirror. There was an odd aroma to the room, some sort of cinnamonish fragrance that had been sprayed to disguise some vile scent. His wallet lay on the dresser. Adjacent to his watch and pens. There was a photo of his daughter at the corner of the dresser next to the mirror. Spaced all around were letters. Most opened, some not. Bills. Unpaid bills. There were two tables at each side of the bed. A his and her section. He had the phone, a pen, and a notepad. He always answered the phone. Even if someone had already picked up and was in the middle of a conversation, he would listen in for a while then interrupt with "Hello?" She had her pills on her table. All arranged into a nice box that told the day and time of day to take each one. There was a chocolate bar on the bed. The boy picked up the bar. Milk chocolate. The wrapper made a crinkling noise as the aluminum foiled crunched under his fingers. It tasted delicious. The door outside slammed shut. He was back. The boy realized he wasn't supposed to be in the room and darted across the hall to his parents room, to safety.


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Freewrite 6 Empty I love this freewrite!

Post  MaryShelley on Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:09 pm

Mr. X, please reveal yourself so that I can credit you accordingly! This is a terrific little paragraph, evoking so much character and mood through careful description of the room's contents. The point of view appears to shift and the tense also shifts early on, but the inconsistencies are slight. you have honed in on a moment, absconding with a candy bar, and I can only hope you took the wrapper with you! very moving as a result of close observation. strong answer to the prompt, Mr. X! do send me a note by email to confirm your identity...


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