Exercise in Motivation

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Exercise in Motivation

Post  jxl33 on Sun Dec 12, 2010 5:52 pm

Trail

The winds perform their concert throughout the woods,
Resonating with the singing of the birds.
The grass enjoys the performance.

Disturbance, the concert stops.
Water drips down my face
As I cut through the symphony.
The birds, terrified, flee back to their domain.
The grass cries.

The dirt guides me to the butterflies,
Enjoying the air with translucent wings.
For a moment, I enjoy
The delights of the forest.

Distraction.
The important words return to me,
The cherished memory of friendship
The power but everlasting feeling
Resonates within me.

Opening.
The trees reveal to me the end.
The sound of cheers explode louder for each passing tree,
My body heavy and sluggish,
Dragged to the end purely by
Willpower.
That was a RUN.

jxl33

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Join date : 2010-09-14

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Re: Exercise in Motivation

Post  MaryShelley on Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:49 pm

You really reach your stride (so to speak) in the last two stanzas, both descriptions evoking universal experience of a RUN. I was pleased to arrive with you at the last line. I am a bit biased about poems that reveal their subject in the last line and can't help wondering the difference it would make to title the poem more explicitly. or, since your title is quite nice as it is, revealing the fact of the run in the opening, approaching your subject like Robert Frost: overtly.

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