Love Hate Thing

Go down

Love Hate Thing Empty Love Hate Thing

Post  elephantastic on Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:03 pm

Love Hate
Granola bars Lentil soup
Pouring rain humidity
Kittens! Being Sick
Optimism Cynicism
The glass bottles of cream soda Judging
My family Walmart
Libraries Lab Reports

I open the door as silently as possible,
Trying to slip by without being noticed.
The house is just as I left it, pitch black and silent.
Maybe if I’m lucky they won’t even have noticed I was gone.
A light turns on.
No such luck.
I turn to face Their Honors, an explanation ready on my tongue
To find quite a different jury
My brother sits there in fathers armchair,
A bottle of cream soda in one hand.
For a moment I think he wants to congratulate me on my stealth.
Oh optimism
“So where were you this time.”
I can hear the judgment in his voice.
I answer honestly, but the cynic in me knows
it'll make no difference.


Posts : 15
Join date : 2010-09-19

Back to top Go down

Love Hate Thing Empty Re: Love Hate Thing

Post  Admin on Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:41 pm

I like the voice in this. It comes across to me very clearly that she's relieved to not be in trouble, but for her in some ways it's so much worse to have her brother thinking poorly of her. Very cute how you use Their Honors, the title for judges, for the parents, but the brother ends up being the judge. It's unfortunate that even with honesty at heart, punishment comes. I know the feeling, but the situation is so unfair ;_;


Posts : 29
Join date : 2010-09-07

Back to top Go down

Love Hate Thing Empty Re: Love Hate Thing

Post  MaryShelley on Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:25 pm

Especially interesting to me is how you moved from your list to your poem. I see the link up and love your choice (cream soda and judging), but the poem is its own being. The narrative is especially strong and self-contained and your diction is exemplary in its precision. Cool


Posts : 55
Join date : 2010-09-17

Back to top Go down

Love Hate Thing Empty Re: Love Hate Thing

Post  Sponsored content

Sponsored content

Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum